Bible Study Materials

Questionnaire

JESUS’ TEACHING ON MARRIAGE 

Matthew 19:1-15 

Key Verse: 19:6 

“So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” 

Where did Jesus go and what did he do (1-2)? What question did some Pharisees ask him and why (3)?  

How did Jesus answer them (4-5; Genesis 1:27, 2:24)? What does Genesis 1-2 teach about God’s original design for marriage? Read verse 6. What did Jesus conclude and how did he apply it? 

How did the Pharisees imply that Jesus’ teachings opposed Moses’ law (7; Deuteronomy 24:1)? How did Jesus explain Moses’ concession concerning divorce (8)? What was Jesus’ clear and serious teaching about divorce (with what exception) (9)? 

What was the disciples’ pessimistic response (10)? What does Jesus teach about singleness (11-12)? How should we live whether married or single?

Why did parents bring their children to Jesus (13a)? How did the disciples react and why (13b)? What did Jesus teach his disciples to do for little children and why (14-15; 18:1-5)? 

How is marriage, singleness, and bringing children to Jesus related to the kingdom of heaven?  

Attachment:

• Matthew 19a.que.docx

Message

JESUS’ TEACHING ON MARRIAGE 

Matthew 19:1-15 

Key Verse: 19:6 

“So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” 

In the last passage, Jesus taught Christians how to deal with sin. In this passage, Jesus teaches about the roles of marriage, singleness, and little children in the kingdom of heaven. Let’s pray that regardless of our status, we will live for the sake of the kingdom of heaven.

Look at verses 1-2. Matthew’s Gospel only talks about Jesus in Galilee after Jesus began His ministry, even though Jesus did go to Judea or Jerusalem before. But now, Matthew says Jesus went to the region of Judea on the other side of the Jordan. The region was Perea and was not in Israel.

Jesus’ route was similar to the normal route a Jewish person would take going from Galilee to Jerusalem. Jesus could have gone through Samaria as He had done before in other Gospels, but perhaps because He was now going to Jerusalem to be arrested, suffer, and die on the Cross, He did not go this way so the crowds could follow Him and He could exercise compassion on them such as healing them of physical and spiritual illnesses.

Let’s read verse 3 together. “Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?””

The Pharisees came to test Jesus. They asked about divorce. They figured that any answer Jesus gave would get him into trouble. For example, if Jesus said no, they would say He taught against the Law of Moses. If He said yes, they may say that God did not want people to divorce according to Genesis, as I will detail later. Or if Jesus said yes that divorce was allowable for every reason, they would say that Jesus did not know the Law and taught it wrong. For Deuteronomy 24:1 says “If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house,”. It is not for every reason that the Law says divorce is allowed but in the reason for finding something indecent in the wife.

Let’s read verses 4-6 together. “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

Jesus responded to the Pharisees’ question about divorce by quoting Genesis 1:27 and Genesis 2:24. In the beginning, God created marriage between Adam and Eve. Jesus teaches that the purpose of God creating humans male and female was for the purpose of marriage, “The Creator made them male and female…for this reason a man will…be united to his wife”.

The purpose of God’s creating the male and female genders was for the purpose of marriage, not for the purpose of divorce or for any other purpose. It is not any different today for Hebrews 13:8 says, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” And so is God. So the purpose and standard of gender and marriage has not changed in God’s eyes since Creation.

Second, the two will become one flesh. Look at verses 5-6 again. The man and his wife will be united by God. It is not a temporary unity but a permanent one, for they become one inseparable flesh. No one can cut a body in half and have either half of the body live. In the same way, Jesus says in verse 9 and in Mark 10:11-12 that cutting the marriage body in half by divorce results in adultery when the husband and wife marry another person. And the adultery penalty in the Law of Moses was death and the penalty for any sin, including adultery, is spiritual death. “For the wages of sin is death.” (Romans 6:23) So divorce is deadly serious. More than that, Jesus forbade it. It is trying to undo the work of God. It is like the work of Satan, which is to destroy and curse that which God has created.

Oppositely, marriage is the work of God to create a holy union and family. Husband and wife are to help each other follow God and do His work. They are to help to fulfill the creation command to fill the earth and subdue it. They are to raise up and support other families in following God and doing the work of God. They are to work together for the kingdom of heaven.

May God help our families to indeed by one flesh working for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. May God help especially Christian families through all kinds of sufferings, problems, and difficulties to avoid divorce and remain joined together as God made them.

Look at verse 7. It says, “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”

The Pharisees kept testing Jesus. They complained that Jesus’ statements did not allow for divorce while Moses’ commands allowed for many divorces. They implied that Jesus’ teachings opposed Moses’ law. They were wrong about this in many ways.

First, Moses did not command divorce but only allowed it. Again, he said in Deuteronomy, “If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce”. So divorce is not a command to always do, but is if there is something indecent and even then is not always but if he writes her a certificate of divorce.

Second, this was not Moses’ policy but was God’s allowance in His Law. Why did God make such an allowance? Let’s read verse 8 together. “Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.”

When the Israelites came out of slavery in Egypt, they had the godless culture of the Egyptians. They were far away from God. It seems God knew they could not tolerate the true standard of marriage, so He permitted divorce because their hearts were hard. God wanted to bring them back closer to Him, but it could not be all at once. So divorce is for people with hard hearts. It is not for people who have good soil hearts who are following the ways of the kingdom of heaven.

I know that divorce can be caused by the efforts of only one spouse, in which case the other spouse has no say. In this case, the other spouse is at no fault for the divorce because they have no say. I know that even some UBF couples got divorced. One case was due to mental illness. We know the husband in another case. He said he thought previously there was no possibility or reason for anyone to divorce. Then he had a great unknown struggle and got divorced. He said that to him it seemed necessary and unavoidable. We can sympathize with a marriage that has extreme suffering or hardship that there is a good reason for one or both spouses to desire divorce.

However, Jesus did not provide any allowable situations here for divorce. It is because of what God said in Malachi 2:16, “’I hate divorce,’ says the Lord, the God of Israel”. Let’s pray that God will give strength, answer prayers, and open doors so that divorce can be avoided in all Christian marriages. Let’s pray for counseling classes, for Bible teachers, and for church leaders to assist others in their marriages that solutions can be found that do not include divorce.

Let’s read verse 9 together. “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

Jesus follows up on what is the situation if there is a divorce. Jesus recognized that it would happen that people got divorced, even though this is not what God wants. But if there is divorce, there cannot be remarriage without adultery, Jesus says. In Mark’s Gospel, Jesus provides no exception for this truth and Jesus extends this truth to both husband and wife. So in this sense, God does not recognize divorce. For remarrying after divorce, Jesus says, is adultery as though God recognizes the original marriage as intact and the new marriage as invalid and as adultery.

In Matthew 19:9, Jesus provides the exception that if the reason for divorce is sexual immorality, then remarriage is not adultery. However, in UBF, we have had at least 2 instances of divorced people getting remarried. One is a divorced woman who was a potential wife for a former Raleigh UBF Bible student, who later remarried a different UBF member. Another is the divorced person we know that I mentioned earlier. He either got remarried recently or will remarry soon.

I do not know if either fell into Jesus’ exception in verse 9. However, we must be careful in our church to go by Jesus’ teachings here. Although one Bible teacher allowed such marriage with the excuse that we should show grace to the divorced person, it is not a legitimate teaching of Jesus that excuses such a marriage. We as a church must treat marriage as sacred, not as something everyone should do, not as if everyone under a certain age should be married, and not as something to fulfill selfish or sinful desires. Marriage must absolutely be according to God’s and Jesus’ standards.

Let’s pray for new Christian marriages to be established between two people called by God to be married forever with godly purpose for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let’s pray for Christian weddings to only take place when they follow all of God’s and Jesus’ commands and principles laid out in the Bible.

Look at verse 10. Unfortunately, divorce was a big part of Jewish culture, tradition, and law, just as it is in our culture. When Jesus did not allow reasons for divorce or remarriage, except for sexual immorality, I think the disciples felt some shock and thought that Jesus’ teachings were too hard. They said, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.” They didn’t think anyone could stand up to Jesus’ standard and so none should marry in order to avoid divorce and the sin of adultery.

Let’s read verses 11-12. “Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”

Here, Jesus is really saying a lot. First, Jesus is saying that not everyone has to be married. It is okay to be single. Neither marriage nor being single is universally good or bad. But both married and single people must live only for the sake of the kingdom of heaven, not for our selfishness, desires, or sinful nature to be indulged. Let’s pray in marriage or in singleness to do everything for the sake of the kingdom of heaven.

Look again at verse 11. The translation of Jesus’ meaning here is hard. What does Jesus mean when He says, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given”? Is “this word” Jesus’ teaching on marriage? If so, it means that only those who are called to be married by the word and plan of God should be married. Indeed, we must only marry if it is the plan and will of God for our lives. And we must only marry the person God chose for us at the right time.

Look again at verses 10-11. What if “this word” is the disciples’ comment in verse 10? Then Jesus’ statement in verse 11 is that one who has been given the word that it is better for them not to marry should accept it. This is also truth. If God does not call one to marry, then they should not marry.

Look at verse 12. Based on Jesus’ follow up to verse 11, it seems that “this word” is the disciples’ word that it is better not to marry. In other words, looking at verses 11-12, not everyone can accept being single and unmarried for their whole lives, but only to those to whom this direction and word have been given. For some are born unable to marry, some are made that way by others perhaps by some physical, mental, or spiritual trauma, and some choose not to marry for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Jesus explains that marriage is, in fact, not for everyone. Indeed, some may choose to avoid marriage in order to give all their attention to the work of the kingdom.

Look at verse 12 again. “The one who can accept this should accept it.” Again, what is the meaning of the word “this”? I believe, along with scholars and commentators, that this is the choice not to marry but to be single. As one commentator says, “[Jesus] allows it good for some not to marry; He that is able to [accept] [not marrying], let him [accept] it.” Apostle Paul expresses this teaching in 1 Corinthians 7 saying, “Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”

So despite what we like to hear and teach, both Jesus and Paul state that if we can control ourselves and can accept it, it is better not to marry. It is better for the sake of the kingdom of heaven because there is no duty to the family or conflict with the Lord’s work. For example, Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7, “I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.”

Let us pray for those who can accept the calling to give their whole lives to the Lord without marriage to do so, that there may be servants of the Lord whose whole lives all day, every day are dedicated to preaching the Gospel to all Creation and to serving Jesus and the church.

Look at verse 13. Jesus appears to be still in Perea among the crowds He had healed. People brought little children to Jesus for Him to pray for them and lay hands on them. They wanted Jesus’ blessings and prayers as a godly man, a holy man, and a prophet. Most likely they did not know Him as Christ, Lord, or Son of God.

The disciples rebuked them for bringing the children. They did not learn from Jesus’ teaching in the last chapter that to welcome a little child is to welcome Jesus. Probably they still thought about the lowly position of the child as a bad thing, despite Jesus’ teaching that to take such a lowly position is to be great in the kingdom of heaven. They probably still thought in worldly terms that the children were not important and were inhibiting Jesus’ ministry and greatness.

But let’s read verses 14-15 together. “Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” When he had placed his hands on them, he went on from there.”

Jesus taught again that the kingdom of heaven belongs to people who are like little children. We must be like little children to enter the kingdom of heaven, and we must take the lowly position to be great in the kingdom of heaven. And so both little children and people who are like little children must be welcomed in our ministry. Little children are not to be second to others in the ministry.

In this passage, we learn how to live for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. For the sake of the kingdom of heaven, we must be like little children, we must encourage others to become like little children, and we must welcome little children. For the sake of the kingdom of heaven, we must live as we were called. If we are called not to marry, we must give our whole lives 24/7/365 for the sake of the kingdom of heaven, serving God and Jesus in all we do. We who are married, we must maintain and grow as a holy family serving the kingdom of heaven. With God’s help, we must overcome all sins, struggles, problems, and sufferings and remain as one flesh, not divorcing.

Let’s pray to live for the sake of the kingdom of heaven no matter our marriage status. Let’s pray tor God to help married people to stay married and build holy families. Let’s pray for God to help those called not to be married to remain unmarried for the sake of serving the kingdom full time. And let’s pray to be like and to welcome little children, for those like little children are the only ones who belong to the kingdom of heaven. Amen.

Attachment:

• Matthew 19a message.docx